sms laughs: September 2011

Just imagine life without GIRLS

Just imagine life without GIRLS
the result ===
markets silent
streets empty
the police at rest
All mobile companies in loss
No SMS
No flowers
No candles
No perfumes
No travelling
ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN !

Explain The word

Explain The word
"AUTOMATICALLY"
....Nahe pata
i'll xplain...
ager koi ganji ladki
auto mein bethi ho
to use kehte hain
auto_mein_takli:~$

Thought for the Days!!

Thought for the Days!!!
if you call your mother as MUM...
What will you call Mother's younger
sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINMUM & MAXIMUM

Happiest man

Happiest man is on whose,
daughter's photograph is on femina cover,
son on india today,
girlfriend on playboy,
WIFE on missing coloumn of newspaper

AT 18 a lady is

AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,
at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,
at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,
at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other

U r walkin in road

U r walkin in road. Grls r lookin at u & u r smiling smartly 2 them. U don't care any1. but OPPS u just 4got 2 close ur PANTS CHAIN again & have no underware

Sales Girl:

Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann't smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn't mean you start fucking here.

teacher sabse garam chez kia he

teacher sabse garam chez kia he
stud: jalta howa bulb
tech: shabash woh kese
stud: meri mammi aik martaba mere papa se kehrahi thi k pehle bulb band karo phir mon men longi

ek jungle mein chuhay

ek jungle mein chuhay se sab dartey the,
agar sher us k samnay aa jata to dar kar bhaag jaata,
haathi bhi kahin chup jata, Copyright www.lovelysms.com
aas paas k log yeh dekh kar preshaan huay or kaha aakhir kia maajra hai,
pata chala chuha MQM mein tha

A FAMILY SAW

A FAMILY SAW ''SHOLAY'' MOVIE
CAME BACK HOME AND HUSBAND ROMANTICALLY SAID TO WIFE
'' NACH BASANTI NACH''
CHILD ADDED
''NAHIN BASANTI IS KUTE K SAMNE MAT NACHNA'

STUDENT

STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you

FATHER: How are your grades, son?

FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level

Aik dafa aik aeroplane main

Aik dafa aik aeroplane main 3 mussafir safar kar rahe they .In main se aik russian tha aik american aur aik pakistani tha. ittifaq se teeno aik sath bethey howe they . russian ne kaha k space par sab se pehley ham gaye they.American ne kaha k sab se Pehley chand par ham gaye they.Pakistani ne kuch der tak socha aur phir hansa aur kaha k inshallah sab se pehley sooraj (sun) par ham jaye gay..

Man : How old is your father?

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the Field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies First

a young boy was arrested for murder

a young boy was arrested for murder, his father went to visit him in prison.he told him that their is densely grass around the house and u c that i am old enough, 2 dig those grass. u were the 1 who must dig those grass.boy replied pls don`t ever dig those grass bcoz i hide many guns there. his dad tell the police about it, the police went there and dig all over but they finds nothing. dad went back to his son he said police have dug those grass but they did`nt anything. boy replied i was trying to assist u

Indian mathematician

Indian mathematicians meeting held at New Delhi yesterday - they
have decided to change the name of zero. The new name will be GANGULY

Bob calls in to his job:

Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

bhagwaan sabse zyada

bhagwaan sabse zyada khush kab hota hay
us waqt jab kisi ladki ki izzat lutt
rahi ho or woh chilla rahi hoo
bhagwan ke liye mujhe chordo

When i Die

When i Die , bury me deep
Ten feet down fast as leep
Place my Maths book on my head
Tell my teacher that i am dead
place my geography book on my chest
Tell my teacher how i am at rest
Place my physics in my right hand
Tell my teacher nothing i understand
place my english book on my left
Tell my teacher i tried my best
Also tell my teachers not to cry
For they are those who made me die

Russians dugg 100

Russians dugg 100
meters and found
copper cable and said
that they had
telephones 500 years ago
Americans dugg 200
meters and found
optical fibre and said
they had internet
facility 1000 years ago.
indians dugg 1000
meters and didnt find
anything and said that
we had wireless
technology 2000 years ago

Boy 2 girl

Boy 2 girl - kya tum mere sath dance karogi.
Girl reply - me bacche ke sath dance nahi karti.
Boy - Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho

Common Dialoug om exams & 1st wedding night-

Common Dialoug om exams & 1st wedding night-
"Kaisa Hua"??
"Acha Hua, thoda bada tha, thoda chooth gaya, aata tha per thik se hua nahi!

Home :

Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills,
and kills by his bills.
LOVE : Loss Of Valuable Energy
WIFE : Worries Invited For Ever

The short man was chased by 2 policeman

The short man was chased by 2 policeman coz he usually steal "FRENCH POLONY", he ran to his home and hide into a babywalker.They knew that he he was there so checked the place until they give up.On teir way to the door they saw this baby in a babywaker the went to him and say"he is so cute, if we come back we will bring sweets,cakes and cold drink" he said with an adult voice "Dont forget to bring my favourite frnch polony"...

wife -

wife - suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge
husband - magar yahan to nahin hai
wife-- mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se la aaye baghwan !!!!!!!

A little girl to her mother

A little girl to her mother: "Mom! i have come to know the boy next door have a pennes like a peanut"
Mom: " Do you mean its little"
girl: " No Mom! Its salty.

U luv sumone

. U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id

People who do lots of work

People who do lots of work.make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work.make less mistakes,
People who do no work.make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes.get promoted

Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?

Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna

Bahu: Maan ji

Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho

An old to Doc

An old to Doc: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down

Last nite i had a dream abt U..

Last nite i had a dream abt U...
I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day...
Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not...
I asked GOD:
Why it is so???
GOD replied:
"BALANCE OF NATURE"...!

A story with moral

A story with moral
My girlfriend called me to her house one day. I went there & found her sister alone in the house. She was unbelievably sexythan my GF. She whispered in my ear, "I have feelings for you, make love to me once" I turned around & walked to thefront door towards my car. Amazingly I found my GF standing there & she hugged me & said, "U have won my trust."
Moral:
Its always better to keep the CuNDuMS in the car & not in the wallet!

A Chinese man

A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital tp deliver...
The wife however gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG.

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi

Munna

Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai

Munna:

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here, then touches her earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien dard hai

Patient:

Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.

Mother to her tennage daughter:

Mother to her tennage daughter:
I think it's time that we should talk abt sex..
Daughter: Sure Mom!!, What u want to know?

Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000

Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties

A convicted rapist

A convicted rapist was sentenced to a death penalty.he was 2 choose between being hanged or being injected with a seringe with HIV/AIDS blood.he choose to be injected with AIDS, after they have finished with him he never stoped laughing and they asked why r u laughing he just wispered and say i have put on a condom

A priest saw a girl

A priest saw a girl removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he prayed God please close your eyes

Man ask God

Man ask God " God Y U make women so BEAUTIFUL? God so that u can LUV her.
Men but Y u make her so STUPID? God says so that she can LUV U..

Naukarani

Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte

TEACHER

TEACHER :Name the animal which live in water & land
STUDENT :Simple 'Frog'
TEACHER :Now name such 4 animal
STUDENT :Simple "Frog's mother,Frog's father,Frog's sister".

What if goctors started directing movies?

Here are eg:
1.stethoscopukal
katha parayunnu.
2.Oru ECG diary
kuruppu..
3.Meerayude CT yum
muthuvinte X-Rayum
4.Vasanthiyum aidsum
pinne nhanum
5.Ayal BP
edukkugayanu.
6.MBBS penninu MD
payyan
7.Sister marude
shradhayku.
8.Neru ariyan MRI
9.Syringe Madhavan.
10.BDS MOOSA
11.Compounder raman.
12.Meenathil surgery.
13.Parakum gulika.
14.Sister vannu
vilichappol.(A)
15.The
mortuary.(horror)

A job in Railways.

Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the
headlight of the Engine
is not working you
have to run infront of
the train with a torch,
So hurry up...
wish u all the best

what is the diffrent between

what is the diffrent between
Himami & Sunami?
Himami is face wash,
Sunami is total wash.

Romance Mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

One night

One night, Mooch was making love for the first time after the wedding. She saw it all on TV but the husband was like, "Man, you cry lke the virgin but you know how to give it all to me, in all angles to fuck it

Ek aadmi Ki Biwi Gum Ho gaiee.

Ek aadmi Ki Biwi Gum Ho gaiee. Who Ramji ke Mandir gaya. Ramji ne kaha, Wats baaju mein Viraajmaan Hanuman se Prarthana kar, meri bhi unho ne dhoondhi thi

What a bad day 4 elisa

What a bad day 4 elisa! her mom & dad went out 2 a church so she decided 2 invite her boyfriend Dipopo 2 come with his friend Khali bcoz she's left alone @ home.The 2 arrived in time, her parents came back unexpectedly 4rom Church @ she told Dipopo 2 hide under the bed & khali ot top of the wadrop@ her bedroom, both of them went 2 her bedroom. Her dad asked how was her day? & she said,"mmmmm,,,, fine" & her Mom said,"The 1 who is on top knows everythin(refering 2 God with a finger)" emmidiatly Khali had that, he jumped down from the wadrop & said, the 1 who knows everything is the 1 under the bed

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